Jury Gentrification: The Latest Way Hipsters Are Ruining Brooklyn​

There is a great story in the New York Post today about how hipsters are essentially ruining the justice system in Brooklyn.

It turns out that the upper middle class white people who now make up the majority of people who are able to afford rent in Brooklyn are much more "pro-police" than the borough's more modest residents. And they're also "anti-plaintiff," which means if you slip-and-fall in their precious Whole Foods, civil juries are more likely to side with the huge conglomerate over the individual shopper with serious medical bills.

I can understand how this happens. If you are poor and uneducated, you don't trust the police, probably because a police officer has actively messed with you and your family. If you have actually been well-educated, you also know enough to not reflexively trust the cops.

But if you are at just the right socioeconomic/educational level that makes you say dumbass shit like, "Ooh, in Brooklyn the Manhattan skyline is my view," then you are also probably a slavish "Law and Order" fan who thinks cops only plant evidence on TV. Armed with your Sarah Lawrence education and your job in web-design, you totally respect cops — unless, of course, they're telling you that you can't have a beer on your stoop, then you start mouthing off to them like they're waiters who didn't put enough soy in your coffee. Good thing you believe that they won't beat the crap out of you for looking "suspicious."

The worldview of Brooklyn gentrifiers should already disqualify them from being the "peers" of poor defendants caught up in the system, but what's worse is how their smug self-confidence can hijack the entire process. From the New York Post:

Former Brooklyn prosecutor and defense lawyer John Paul DeVerna said, "The 'Williamsburg Effect' affects every case that goes to trial.

"A contrarian-minded person — and Billyburg has them in spades — can cause discord in the jury room. And if the hipster gets along with everyone, that can even be more dangerous because they are confident and educated, which means they have the potential to hijack the jury."

Good lord. I really didn't think I could hate these people any more, and yet here we are. It's like Brooklyn juries are being made up of tourists who think they know something about the community because they researched it on Travelocity.

Clearly, there is only one answer: Brooklyn cops have to start going Giuliani Time on hipsters guilty of the slightest infraction. Jaywalking = nightsticks to the kneecaps. Stopped for public intoxication = arrested for possession with intent to distribute. If these people want to live in Brooklyn, they should be forced to experience Brooklyn. Let them have to call Daddy's lawyer a few times and then let's see how much faith they have in prosecutors.

New York Mayor Bill de Blasio is all about improving the relationships between the police and the community. I promise you, if the police ever anal cavity searched one of these damn hipsters who smokes weed on the street in broad daylight while he squealed about victimless crimes, the "community" would cheer.