Won't Somebody Please Help This Aspiring Dominatrix​?

Here is Virginia's prostitution statute:

§ 18.2-346. Prostitution; commercial sexual conduct; commercial exploitation of a minor; penalties.

A. Any person who, for money or its equivalent, (i) commits adultery, fornication, or any act in violation of § 18.2-361, performs cunnilingus, fellatio, or anilingus upon or by another person, or engages in anal intercourse or (ii) offers to commit adultery, fornication, or any act in violation of § 18.2-361, perform cunnilingus, fellatio, or anilingus upon or by another person, or engage in anal intercourse and thereafter does any substantial act in furtherance thereof is guilty of prostitution, which is punishable as a Class 1 misdemeanor.

If you think that fully covers all reasonable definitions of "prostitution," well then you probably have an uncreative mind and a boring sex life. Look, the law gets even more vague further down:

§ 18.2-347: Keeping, residing in or frequenting a bawdy place; "bawdy place" defined It shall be unlawful for any person to keep any bawdy place, or to reside in or at or visit, for immoral purposes, any such bawdy place. Each and every day such bawdy place shall be kept, resided in or visited, shall constitute a separate offense. In a prosecution under this section the general reputation of the place may be proved.

As used in this Code, "bawdy place" shall mean any place within or without any building or structure which is used or is to be used for lewdness, assignation or prostitution.

These definitions are so vague that it's enough to make a man just want to grab his Fleshlight and stay home. But the definitions are critically important to one young lady who is just trying to make a career for herself as a dominatrix. She put out a Craigslist ad seeking pre-emptive legal help with her vinyl trade:


Hello criminal defense attorneys or students,

I am a young and attractive dominatrix specializing in many areas of bdsm, and I am looking to become pro. I genuinely love what I do, and I have desires of pursuing this for a career. However, before I move forward with my career, I'm not quite sure whether some of these practices for compensation are considered legal in the state of Virginia or not. I am seeking counseling from a criminal defense lawyer or student specializing in solicitation cases. My questions are explicit, so I respectfully ask for us to be discreet about this matter.

I have contacted a few law firms in the area, and they are unable to help me. I don't know who to turn to, so I've decided to put an ad online. I'm willing to compensate for your time.

This is like when the CIA goes to the Office of Legal Counsel and asks, "Is it okay if I torture people?" In fact, it's exactly like that. This woman doesn't need a law student, she needs to get John Yoo on the phone. Important people can get legal advice on how to violate the spirit but not the letter of the law all the time. Why can't sexy Mary Poppins get the same kind of counsel?

All joking aside... John Yoo could help this woman. Somebody should help this woman. Whose balls does she have to tickle to get a goddamn amicus brief up in here?

I'm not authorized or qualified to give her legal advice, which is lucky for her because my advice would clearly be: "It's easier to ask for forgiveness than it is to get permission."