Lest you think that only Millennials and minorities are concerned about ouchy words, here’s a story about a 61-year-old man who is suing because his ex-wife calls him names while cutting him an alimony check.

Francis Wagner Jr. is suing his ex-wife, Diane Wagner, because she writes mean things in the “memo” line when she writes him his alimony check. Diane pays Frank $744 a month, but she eases her burden with insults like: “bum,” “loser,” and, “FOAD” (“F**k Off And Die”).


Francis claims that these words have worsened his heart condition... and his cancer. He’s suing for intentional infliction of emotional distress.

In fairness, Diane is being a dick. A funny, funny dick. She’s being petty and should probably just remit the checks without comment. I think if a man were sending alimony checks to his ex-wife with notes like “gold digging bitch” and “stupid whore,” this story would have tripped the internet outrage wire.

But it still wouldn’t be illegal. It’s not illegal to insult someone. Cancer is not the Dark Side, it does not grow stronger on insults and ridicule.


If it were me, I’d take the $744 and buy an attractive escort and a photo shoot, then send some tasteful “thank you” cards to Diane for all of her support. I’d like to think that at 61 years old, I wouldn’t be running to court to balm my hurt feelings.