Michigan's laws make it a crime to furnish alcohol to minors. It's a misdemeanor and a $1,000 fine for a first offense. One would think that a fifth grade teacher who gave the whole class some beer would be punished to the full extent of this law.

But, the teacher gave the kids O'Doul's. So the law is taking a "meh" approach to the violation...


In point of fact, O'Doul's does contain a de minimus amount of alcohol. And sadness. O'Doul's is spiked with the sadness that comes from not being able to have a real drink anymore.

It's not appropriate for children. But a fifth grade teacher at Hyatt Elementary let students take a sip of O'Doul's that was there to "represent ale common in the 1700s." Good thing this teacher didn't have access to some small pox so the kids could learn that half of their friends would die in the 1700s.

The teacher was reprimanded, but not charged. From the Huffington Post:

"We talked to the teacher and said this was an inappropriate choice," [Superintendent Ed Koledo] said. "There were a lot better choices to represent a colonial-era drink than what was chosen here."

The students were allowed a small taste but none were forced to try the non-alcoholic beer, school officials said. Koledo, who didn't identify the teacher, said allowing non-alcoholic beer into the classroom and allowing students to drink it was a mistake.

Honestly, this has to be viewed as a victory for reasonable behavior. Not on the part of the teacher, who appears to be some kind of idiot. But the response to this has been reasonable from the school and the parents. Nobody has to get fired. Nobody has to file a multimillion dollar lawsuit against the school. Nobody's life needs to be ruined because some kids took a sip of O'Doul's.


Next year, somebody should sponsor Hyatt Elementary with some cider. Somebody like the people from Mike's.