When I was a lawyer, I often fantasized about being in a non-fatal traffic accident to get out of work. Not "faking" a non-fatal accident, but actually allowing myself to be struck by a moving vehicle.

I didn't like my job. But I'm no liar. I'm not like this guy who pretended he was too sick to go to work when he was really just unprepared.


And like a naughty second-grader who puts a thermometer in boiling water, he's now been suspended from his work...

Attorney Michael Joseph Finn was supposed to give an oral argument in front of the Seventh Circuit Court of Appeals. But Finn told the court that he had vomited in the morning and couldn't make it. The Seventh Circuit went ahead with the case anyway, because in the real world nobody gives a damn about your allergies or stomach flu or restless leg syndrome. Cancer or GTFO.

His clients lost the case. And at that point, the court asked Finn for documentation... literally a note from his doctor, about his illness.


Finn eventually admitted to his lie. He was fined. Now, he's been suspended for 60 days by the Illinois Supreme Court. From the ABA Journal:

"To leave a client unrepresented on the morning of oral argument is nothing short of appalling," the 7th Circuit said. Ethics regulators opened an investigation after receiving a copy of the opinion.

Finn is also required to pay $5,000 restitution to reimburse legal fees paid by his client's mother and to repay the state's client protection fund for any payments made as a result of his conduct.

Like I said, faking sick doesn't work for grown ass adults. If you want to get out of professional responsibilities, you best be willing to cut off a toe or throw some streptococcus in your coffee like a professional.